It can sometimes require much less than absolute deep thought to arrive at a juncture that can astound, amaze and plain old make you sit back on your butt with how astonishingly simplistic it really is - yes, life is chock-full of metaphors and analogies - we use them daily to assist us in describing life's events and foibles to people who surround us, to our friends and often most profoundly and effectively of all, to ourselves.
Life is a cyclical affair, so very far from being all nice and linear, even for those of us who might pretend that we have very few downs amongst a great many up's......chance would be a fine thing there. Things can and do come along.......things happen to us, and we happen to things, and quite often, we don't have the first idea as to what they may mean, what message they are bringing to us, if any.........what we are being shown & are meant to learn from them, and so-on. New chapters can and do emerge......don't go getting all comfy, now, not unless it's very very comfy......be surprised or be prepared to be.....life sure can be a Minestrone.
Such as has been the way of things recently, and with my own best descriptions woefully inadequate to even begin to illustrate the real point, I now find myself 'in-limbo'.
As if that wasn't enough, my friend finds herself placed similarly...........being 'in-limbo'.....well, how does one describe the agonizing lack of belonging to anywhere or anything that we can feel - like a pair of shoes that don't quite fit, the wrong pair of jeans, a hairstyle that simply will not behave........the levels of discomfort, as described very badly here, do no justice at all to simply feeling 'wrong' without the ability or know-how to shake things off at all......and it goes-on giving for quite some time in it's special way.
As I have come to understand things, and as it seems right now to directly relate to me, along with my gal-pal - being 'in limbo' is not a remotely desirable place to find oneself.
It would take a very strange person to enjoy this particular nowhere-land, where comfort of any kind or form is not even at a premium, but seemingly entirely absent - it's this that makes it 'special', and to be avoided at all costs like the plague, not that we actually have the luxury of that particular option. Many do try to fast-forward and skip it - and, in their own imaginations at least, see themselves as having avoided the terrors of the limbo, but at times to their future detriment, in not fully dealing with certain issues and/or not waiting for sufficient time to pass to adequately mend and deal with what has been and what will follow.....until the 'signal' is received to emerge all shiny and new again for the next chapter, the next loop of their lives to commence.
Yes, it's much too real to be in any way purely speculative, folks.
So as today slowly unfolded here in Paradise, we wandered down through the park, to where the coconut palms meet the ocean - this was another first for me, and yet one more instance of having been here for quite some time now & not knowing of it's existence.
Not for the last time, now I know it's there, let me tell you - you'll find me there with a book or several, should anyone wonder where I am when I'm not drinking coffee.
My wonderful friend, always with the insight of a thousand visionaries, related this most unpleasant yet necessary domain to me again today........being 'in-limbo'.....one that, ironically, we now both find ourselves in, courtesy of life circumstance and events quite different to one another. We discussed its familiar and largely unpleasant nature for a while, just as we had done the day before. It hardly matters what had led-up to our own individual limbo states......we each were between aspects within our separate lives, in neither the place we had left behind or the places we were heading toward. It might have been left at that, plus or minus a little extra analysis from each of us........something we do often, via the mutual support it seems to offer us and the feelings of semi-satisfaction it can bring in that we somehow understand it all - man, sometimes, we actually do.
So here's the thing.
I'm more than happy to call it analogy of the year, perhaps even the decade, that my amazing friend......that she should have the insight to see & denote this enforced time we spend in-limbo as being 'In The Waiting Room'.
Suddenly, and without warning, what was an inner space so unnaturally filled to capacity with discomfort became so much warmer......became at least comfortable enough as the necessary place to be that it is. The Waiting Room.......It's imagery was made complete with one another being there in the room, amongst just a few other people doing what was required of them, with just the right amount and selection of magazines to read while we waited - and whilst neither of us were 'next', it was clear enough to us that we didn't have to worry that we would be there in the waiting room for too long at all.
I am not at all sure that I could better the Waiting Room...............I am not even going to try, since it feels so right, explains so perfectly and succinctly what we are going through.
I have lost count of the sheer number of times my beautiful friend has steered my spirit, my mind and my thoughts along absolutely perfect channels..........this intelligent enough man would be left floundering in the dark, lost and alone, time and again.........I have no words that could adequately express the gratitude I feel for her guidance, and that it comes so freely regardless of her own adversities and life issues is so very humbling.
So in The Waiting Room, for just a little while longer, is where we'll be.
To re-program and re-wire our spirit cannot be achieved overnight, nor should it be rushed or hurried. If we come to this incredibly simple conclusion that we must remain in life's Waiting Room until we are 'called' is perhaps one of the most profound sources of comfort we can take in our darker hours - it gives purpose and meaning to a previously abstract series of pains, aches and feelings of non-specific 'unwellness' and non-belonging awkwardness - I now have the strength to remain here in the waiting room, to wait a while, as long as it takes, to chat with my friend and read a few magazines.
Our turn will come, quite separately I suspect.......it won't be next, but then we're having such a great chat about all kinds of amazing things, and I am reading a very interesting article that I want to finish and discuss a little........there are some wonderful recipes in these magazines - all-new
ways of creating familiar favourites, ways I had never considered. - no, I think I have a little more time here yet.
Monday, 30 April 2012
Sunday, 8 April 2012
Another Day, Another Squillion Dollars....Maybe?
As another day has dawned, here in Paradise Central aka Port Douglas, I glance out of Origin Espresso's window at the most beautiful Sunday morning as it unfolds - it's practically the same as the last one I saw, which was about a week ago, and will be, I have little doubt, very similar to the next one that will come along, Big Guy/Gal Upstairs-willing, in just around a week's time.
Yes, I know, it all sounds rather dull and predictable, which is just the way we like it here, now that we're on the cusp of the finest weather here in the Tropics.
The Wonder Of Winter!
As Port prepares itself for the annual Carnivale next month, and as we enter what will be one of the several 'tourist' seasons, we are beginning to see a greater influx of people wandering the streets and beaches of this magnificent township. The many traders, restaurants and outlets are all preparing in a much more eagerly anticipated manner, the arrival of tourists, with what has been the passing of 2-3 years of a huge down-turn in tourism, affecting things up here at least as profoundly as anywhere else in our wide land.
The other thing of greater, perhaps much more significant interest, and not so far away on the horizon, is the imminent arrival of an estimated 40,000 (or quite possibly a great many more), for what will be the landmark event this coming November - yes, the next full Solar Eclipse will pass directly over Port Douglas, and at around 6:43am on the morning of November 14th, any spot on 4 Mile Beach will be at an absolute premium. (Ironically, and likely quite unbeknown to most, the Eclipse can be viewed from a great many places, any where the sun can be seen over the horizon, naturally) yet it will be the beach, of course, that will be the main draw card).
The hotels & resorts are well booked-out for the event, and now it's all about how best to market the optimal experience to view things : amongst many others, one such means will be viewing platforms, purpose-built for pre-paying customers, and built-in to their hotel's more-bloated-than-usual accommodation fees for the most part....or am I being unfair here? (Rhetorical, relax)
I am slightly left of ambivalent about these platforms, which are likely to monopolize so much of the beach. Even with a whole 4 Miles to play with, there's still a chance these obscenities will end-up leaving what may be little space for the likes of Me and my compatriots, all of whom, as residents of Paradise Inc, are extremely unprepared to pay any form of premium to sit in some very uncomfortable seating in one of many heinous mini-grandstands. I won't be paying to sit on any platform, and will be somewhat unhappy, to say the least, if said constructions mess with my own viewing experience.
I can imagine - and can do so a little too readily, (see below......you'll get there, eventually) many a scenario where the local folk, (with me not exactly at the helm, yet not too far back) tearing-down the offending obstructions, before casting them all into the sea. I will, though, pay what is the, for now, at least, estimated cost of 'very affordable' - 'just a few dollars only' as is currently being mooted & predicted - for special, genuine cardboard 'eclipse viewing glasses'.
These will, naturally, be priced most reasonably and within the reach of all........people involved in the selling of such wares are always reasonable & nice like this, I've found............Not.
I now go back in time, far back, to a prime example, amongst a great many, of what I refer to above, this at Reading Jazz, Blues & Rock Festival, in Hertfordshire, UK - this was something I never missed, a yearly music festival held each June over 3 days, and at which I saw some of the world's greatest rock bands, time and again, during some of the absolute best days of my life, but I digress.
Now, at Reading Festival, with a crowd well in excess of 50,000 souls each & every day, anyone could sell bottles of water and ice creams in abundant quantity, at what then would have been a reasonable fee - they could do so and make a boat-load of money, with so many takers. Here was something the size of an Ice Cream Van as the sales outlets, and there would be, perhaps 3 of these outside & around the main arena. I should mention, that we refer here to the era of 1972 through 1975, and at a time when one could readily buy, for just One English Pound/just under $2AU or thereabouts, around 10 small bottles of water, at least 5 Hot Dogs, 4 Hamburgers and a Doner Kebab/Elephants Leg-on-a-BBQ/spit with the lot, bathed in the finest grease and heavily dosed in Chilli Sauce (this was the very first emergence of kebabs in the UK, and the people really did take to them, big-time.......yes, you could buy all of this and get change almost anywhere........I think you know what's coming.
Yes, these Blonks were selling - for a while, quite successfully - just One small bottle of water for One Pound Sterling.
I guess they felt reasonably well-protected in the safety of the Ice Cream Vans - and for a while, they kind-of were. Well, naturally, people had few options - it was Summer-Time, and screamingly hot......if they wanted water, and they sure did, it was either queuing-up at the Porta-Loo's for the wash-your-hands tiny sink.....a nightmare even to queue to empty one's bladder, let alone fill-up any empty plastic bottle that one didn't actually possess, and risk Salmonella, Shigella, Giardia or worse......or, as was de rigeur, through sheer lack of options, give-in to the Water-Sharks.
Many simply caved-in, whilst 'the masses', as we'll call them, took alternative action.
Isn't Democracy a beautiful thing!.......the people will always decide in the end.
The vans were unceremoniously overturned, rather violently, after which, very graciously, the owners were allowed to run-away at their own pace, which was always incredibly swiftly, while 'the masses' took what was, in the end, rightfully theirs. It was all very proper, in that mob kind of way........no excessive violence was ever required, and whilst I know that overturning several Ice Cream Vans does seem, by it's very nature, a violent act, it was, in the end, the sort of mini-revolution that almost everyone (save the water-sharks) will attest to as being just, and that was precisely what happened.
What few Policemen were around could do little, and many of those had a look of resignation and, dare I say it, admiration - they, too, had no doubt, paid a premium for their own bottled water.
The vans were totally stripped of their wares, all stock was handed out gratis by the new temporary owners of the vans, to the thirsty festival folk, until it was all gone, all to the rapturous applause of hundreds of onlookers. It was divine intervention - the UN Troops could not have done it better than us part-time hippies, on that fine day.
Interestingly if not surprisingly, when the vans returned in following years, pricing was much more, umm......'acceptable'.
But what was it that I was talking about again.......the point that I'm making.....
Yes, yes.........the anti-burn-out-your-retina's cardboard glasses........somehow, I just cannot see these being sold at a fair price.....ie, a price conducive to the bit of cardboard and darkened plastic film that they are. When someone can potentially, and very fairly, make enough money, on that one day, to retire for the whole year to follow, and do so by not fleecing the public.....well, shame on me for thinking they should do the right thing.......it's somehow not enough to make hay while the sun shines - no, we have to enter the familiar rip-off territory of the Exceptionally & Very Greedy.
The Bastards!
Many will, of course, rock-up in their welding masks and goggles, many of them borrowed from Uncles in the trade - some will try to look at the Eclipse through their Bolle's/Ray-Ban's, feeling that the extortion has already been done to death back when they bought them for five times their real worth....that these Sunglasses-Exceptionalle would surely be more than enough to not burn their eyes from their sockets.
Yet more will attempt to view the thing with the naked eye - I guaran-fucking-tee it.....Accident & Emergency Departments and the Ambo's will be working overtime, flat-out, and the Fred Hollows Foundation will go gangbusters. Oh yes, there'll be entirely stupid people here too, lots & lots of them - some of them wealthy, even - but, the Eclipse will be one of the world's great levelers, at least for the couple of minutes that it will last. Afterwards, some of us will go have a few cucumber sandwiches, slam-down several coldies and play loud but great music, whilst others dine on Lobster, Coral Trout and Langoustine with a Mangosteen-Raspberry Jus & Tropical salad, whilst listening to absolute dross........it's the only way to fly, really.....the Cucumber Sandwich method, I mean, naturally.
I'll even cut the crusts-off, if you like.
I may be pleasantly surprised - we could, indeed, see $2 cardboard Eclipse-viewing glasses, but my wad is going on them being $5 or more.......I'll be putting my money on it, too.
But, for now, if you're still there, it's a beautiful day - the coffee is good, and the Ocean is getting, slowly, to the stage where it will have fewer & fewer Box Jelly-Fish and other nasty bastard stingers that can kill us stone-cold dead.....I can put-off purchasing that stinger suit for another year, and will very soon actually be able to swim again in the beautiful coral sea again.
For the moment, at least, there's no charge for doing it, but watch this space.
Yes, I know, it all sounds rather dull and predictable, which is just the way we like it here, now that we're on the cusp of the finest weather here in the Tropics.
The Wonder Of Winter!
As Port prepares itself for the annual Carnivale next month, and as we enter what will be one of the several 'tourist' seasons, we are beginning to see a greater influx of people wandering the streets and beaches of this magnificent township. The many traders, restaurants and outlets are all preparing in a much more eagerly anticipated manner, the arrival of tourists, with what has been the passing of 2-3 years of a huge down-turn in tourism, affecting things up here at least as profoundly as anywhere else in our wide land.
The other thing of greater, perhaps much more significant interest, and not so far away on the horizon, is the imminent arrival of an estimated 40,000 (or quite possibly a great many more), for what will be the landmark event this coming November - yes, the next full Solar Eclipse will pass directly over Port Douglas, and at around 6:43am on the morning of November 14th, any spot on 4 Mile Beach will be at an absolute premium. (Ironically, and likely quite unbeknown to most, the Eclipse can be viewed from a great many places, any where the sun can be seen over the horizon, naturally) yet it will be the beach, of course, that will be the main draw card).
The hotels & resorts are well booked-out for the event, and now it's all about how best to market the optimal experience to view things : amongst many others, one such means will be viewing platforms, purpose-built for pre-paying customers, and built-in to their hotel's more-bloated-than-usual accommodation fees for the most part....or am I being unfair here? (Rhetorical, relax)
I am slightly left of ambivalent about these platforms, which are likely to monopolize so much of the beach. Even with a whole 4 Miles to play with, there's still a chance these obscenities will end-up leaving what may be little space for the likes of Me and my compatriots, all of whom, as residents of Paradise Inc, are extremely unprepared to pay any form of premium to sit in some very uncomfortable seating in one of many heinous mini-grandstands. I won't be paying to sit on any platform, and will be somewhat unhappy, to say the least, if said constructions mess with my own viewing experience.
I can imagine - and can do so a little too readily, (see below......you'll get there, eventually) many a scenario where the local folk, (with me not exactly at the helm, yet not too far back) tearing-down the offending obstructions, before casting them all into the sea. I will, though, pay what is the, for now, at least, estimated cost of 'very affordable' - 'just a few dollars only' as is currently being mooted & predicted - for special, genuine cardboard 'eclipse viewing glasses'.
These will, naturally, be priced most reasonably and within the reach of all........people involved in the selling of such wares are always reasonable & nice like this, I've found............Not.
I now go back in time, far back, to a prime example, amongst a great many, of what I refer to above, this at Reading Jazz, Blues & Rock Festival, in Hertfordshire, UK - this was something I never missed, a yearly music festival held each June over 3 days, and at which I saw some of the world's greatest rock bands, time and again, during some of the absolute best days of my life, but I digress.
Now, at Reading Festival, with a crowd well in excess of 50,000 souls each & every day, anyone could sell bottles of water and ice creams in abundant quantity, at what then would have been a reasonable fee - they could do so and make a boat-load of money, with so many takers. Here was something the size of an Ice Cream Van as the sales outlets, and there would be, perhaps 3 of these outside & around the main arena. I should mention, that we refer here to the era of 1972 through 1975, and at a time when one could readily buy, for just One English Pound/just under $2AU or thereabouts, around 10 small bottles of water, at least 5 Hot Dogs, 4 Hamburgers and a Doner Kebab/Elephants Leg-on-a-BBQ/spit with the lot, bathed in the finest grease and heavily dosed in Chilli Sauce (this was the very first emergence of kebabs in the UK, and the people really did take to them, big-time.......yes, you could buy all of this and get change almost anywhere........I think you know what's coming.
Yes, these Blonks were selling - for a while, quite successfully - just One small bottle of water for One Pound Sterling.
I guess they felt reasonably well-protected in the safety of the Ice Cream Vans - and for a while, they kind-of were. Well, naturally, people had few options - it was Summer-Time, and screamingly hot......if they wanted water, and they sure did, it was either queuing-up at the Porta-Loo's for the wash-your-hands tiny sink.....a nightmare even to queue to empty one's bladder, let alone fill-up any empty plastic bottle that one didn't actually possess, and risk Salmonella, Shigella, Giardia or worse......or, as was de rigeur, through sheer lack of options, give-in to the Water-Sharks.
Many simply caved-in, whilst 'the masses', as we'll call them, took alternative action.
Isn't Democracy a beautiful thing!.......the people will always decide in the end.
The vans were unceremoniously overturned, rather violently, after which, very graciously, the owners were allowed to run-away at their own pace, which was always incredibly swiftly, while 'the masses' took what was, in the end, rightfully theirs. It was all very proper, in that mob kind of way........no excessive violence was ever required, and whilst I know that overturning several Ice Cream Vans does seem, by it's very nature, a violent act, it was, in the end, the sort of mini-revolution that almost everyone (save the water-sharks) will attest to as being just, and that was precisely what happened.
What few Policemen were around could do little, and many of those had a look of resignation and, dare I say it, admiration - they, too, had no doubt, paid a premium for their own bottled water.
The vans were totally stripped of their wares, all stock was handed out gratis by the new temporary owners of the vans, to the thirsty festival folk, until it was all gone, all to the rapturous applause of hundreds of onlookers. It was divine intervention - the UN Troops could not have done it better than us part-time hippies, on that fine day.
Interestingly if not surprisingly, when the vans returned in following years, pricing was much more, umm......'acceptable'.
But what was it that I was talking about again.......the point that I'm making.....
Yes, yes.........the anti-burn-out-your-retina's cardboard glasses........somehow, I just cannot see these being sold at a fair price.....ie, a price conducive to the bit of cardboard and darkened plastic film that they are. When someone can potentially, and very fairly, make enough money, on that one day, to retire for the whole year to follow, and do so by not fleecing the public.....well, shame on me for thinking they should do the right thing.......it's somehow not enough to make hay while the sun shines - no, we have to enter the familiar rip-off territory of the Exceptionally & Very Greedy.
The Bastards!
Many will, of course, rock-up in their welding masks and goggles, many of them borrowed from Uncles in the trade - some will try to look at the Eclipse through their Bolle's/Ray-Ban's, feeling that the extortion has already been done to death back when they bought them for five times their real worth....that these Sunglasses-Exceptionalle would surely be more than enough to not burn their eyes from their sockets.
Yet more will attempt to view the thing with the naked eye - I guaran-fucking-tee it.....Accident & Emergency Departments and the Ambo's will be working overtime, flat-out, and the Fred Hollows Foundation will go gangbusters. Oh yes, there'll be entirely stupid people here too, lots & lots of them - some of them wealthy, even - but, the Eclipse will be one of the world's great levelers, at least for the couple of minutes that it will last. Afterwards, some of us will go have a few cucumber sandwiches, slam-down several coldies and play loud but great music, whilst others dine on Lobster, Coral Trout and Langoustine with a Mangosteen-Raspberry Jus & Tropical salad, whilst listening to absolute dross........it's the only way to fly, really.....the Cucumber Sandwich method, I mean, naturally.
I'll even cut the crusts-off, if you like.
I may be pleasantly surprised - we could, indeed, see $2 cardboard Eclipse-viewing glasses, but my wad is going on them being $5 or more.......I'll be putting my money on it, too.
But, for now, if you're still there, it's a beautiful day - the coffee is good, and the Ocean is getting, slowly, to the stage where it will have fewer & fewer Box Jelly-Fish and other nasty bastard stingers that can kill us stone-cold dead.....I can put-off purchasing that stinger suit for another year, and will very soon actually be able to swim again in the beautiful coral sea again.
For the moment, at least, there's no charge for doing it, but watch this space.
Sunday, 25 March 2012
Welcome To Your BBQ
It seemed such a fitting song to be playing on Radio Port Douglas, early this morning, as I fired-up the car, pumped-up the radio & made my way-in to my home away from home, Origin Espresso.
The song - It begins by telling a little story, recounted in part below, before hitting home with the chorus.......to my amazement, I hadn't heard this awesome song before.
The lyrics really rang home to me, making me smile, as lyrics are apt to do, and at this particular juncture in my life, they really could not have been more appropriate:
It is entitled 'Welcome To Your Barbeque'
The road is long and windy
Full of twists and turns
But before you can rise from the ashes
You've got to burn baby burn
Welcome to your barbeque
Where we roast all the dreams
That never came true
Welcome to your barbeque
Just Pig-out and dream anew
They must have received a cosmic request at Radio Port Douglas, since clearly, my soul had sent-out a take-away request for that one.
It was, unquestionably & most definitely, meant for Me.
Of course, it's so much easier to tell ourselves not to revisit our pasts, to let it all go, but we do go back, time and again. Sometimes, we're looking for answers, sometimes, looking back in anger, reflecting upon how we find ourselves - sometimes, in fact most often, it is repeatedly so that we do this - at the place where we now are, we reflect upon times gone-by, and usually revisit what might be referred to as The Bad Old Days - not always, since there are so many things that we remember with fondness, but certainly often.
And just how is that tried & true method working-out for us?
We cannot literally set-fire to our pasts, but we do need to find the strength to let most things go, and to continue this as an ongoing & continual work in progress.........when we find ourselves revisiting our past....where we have been, we need to remind ourselves of the Now, most importantly, along with looking forward to what magnificence and joy may lay ahead for us - that we cannot predict or know what this may be should only add to it's anticipated pleasure.
Yes, very easy to say, but so hard to do, let alone master.
It's something I, like so many others, no doubt - (and it's not any source of comfort that we aren't alone, even when it may constantly seem that only We have such dilemmas and such troubled lives!) - I am currently struggling with it, and I remind myself that, if what has transpired ever really mattered to me, then it's bound to hurt, and hurt a lot.
I guess, then, we have to grieve, for it's passing.....to go though the grieving process as if a very dear friend had passed-on, but then, we should choose to remember a dear friend in all of the good ways, for the rest of our own days on this Earth - I guess, again, that we can't always do that too successfully, either, but we should aim in this direction always.
Surely, we are meant to do this?
Can we, then, dissect away all of the 'good' parts of our pasts that we continually resurrect & revisit in our thoughts, and use only those things to recall & reflect upon?
I don't have the answers - but, if we could, if such a thing is attainable, then I suspect we would be able to heal so much more quickly - we should at least try, if we must reflect, or abandon reflection altogether. Rather than taking this route, instead, with some things, we tend to seek far too many answers, where sometimes, even usually, there are none to be found......with other things, there are an abundance of answers many of which we are only too aware, and we all too often & readily elect to remind ourselves of our own errors, and the errors of others who have been within our lives, as if they can somehow really matter and make any difference as such to our life that follows........and how much use is all of this reinforcement of what we have done wrong, of the wrongs others have done to us? Just where is the pay-off here?
Is it simple catharsis, this act of revisiting our pasts - even what I am doing right now, writing this down......is this really beneficial to my own healing?
Again, it's not a rhetorical question in any way, and I have no answers, simply more speculation as a fellow truth seeker and member of the Human Race.
Certainly, we ask a great many more questions of ourselves as we advance in years, likely, almost without doubt, due to our increasing awareness of our own mortality - and it is good to seek answers, to have an inquiring mind, for want of a much better term.....it's in our nature, yes, but that doesn't mean that it's to our benefit and not, in it's very essence, to our detriment.
I think we need to really, properly and fully analyze just what we actually achieve by constantly looking backwards to all of these previous junctures of our lives.......constantly peering back towards the Gone, to the Done - it seems plain enough to see that we are harming ourselves constantly by doing so, and the pay-off, if there is one, is infinitesimally small.
Does it make us happy when we look back at what has been?
Is it ultimately beneficial to those around us, some of whom may care deeply about us and our well-being - we cannot possibly be projecting and giving the very best version of Us.....we are, in effect, 'short-changing' the people in our lives and around us who matter most, by giving them this second-rate version of Ourselves.
Does it help us retain any kind of focus for living in the moment - does it help us to stop along the tracks, to smell the roses along the way, to savour each & every moment as it travels alongside us in parallel with our life-path?
It's so absurd that we cannot see the blatantly obvious answers to this foolishly obvious thing - it is gross neglect of our own soul in the extreme, to not absorb all of the joy around us, yet even as I type these words, my mind freely wanders away into reflective mode, and what enters my mind now are all the usual suspects of Guilt, Regret, Anger, Sadness, Remorse - there are more, so many more, but these are the major culprits...........I become angry with myself now, reminding myself of the futility of searching backwards in time, punishing myself for crimes I did not even commit, and doing it over and over again, repeatedly.
I tell myself, again, that what has gone has Gone, but the urge to look back is so strong and all-consuming. I know what it is that I need to do, yet feel, for the most part, powerless to do anything that will help me achieve what is, on paper at least, this most simple of outcomes....to live in the Now.
This is why it must be an ongoing work, why I must never again neglect my soul, never again take the risk of putting it on auto-pilot, trusting it to take care of itself. Like a flower, like a plant, it requires nurturing - and our soul is akin to one of those very rare plants, perhaps one that only flowers once every 10 years, and only then if all conditions are absolutely perfect for it.
Bad analogy, yes, for sure, but the best one I can come-up with so early in the morning, and still only on my second flat white.
We must give freely to those around us, but primarily, we must give to Ourselves - it's not the 'proverbial' Rocket Science, but how often do we forget - I find myself now wondering about the truly selfish, and sadly, there are such people in this beautiful world we live in.
Do they have these issues?
In it's most simplistic of forms, surely they keep almost all things for themselves....one might be forgiven for thinking that they are overflowing with their own Love, and thus are immune from ever being hurt - they never come close to making themselves so vulnerable by giving too much at all to others, since by their very nature, they are Selfish.
I feel very sure that there are alternative prices to pay for being this way - perhaps they still find themselves with an abundance of love from their fellow friends or partners. (maybe I need to convert and become a Bad Guy - it's a very well-known fact that all the really great girls love a Bad Guy, so I ought to do well enough, surely?)
I feel sure that the reality is very different - there exists, somewhere out there, an equation that relates directly to Love and to Giving freely, with the return at least in proportion or greater than that as given.
Then again, it cannot be an all-encompassing equation without variables (yes, yes, I'll hop-out of the Mathematical analogy thing real soon!) - historically, though, some have given so sacrificially, and have paid the ultimate price for doing so....I'm sure I don't need to quote names, since there are plenty out there.
To get off the Maths thing, let's wrap the sucker up by suggesting that there may be a single equation with many variables, or a multitude of equations plus or minus what could be an infinite number of variables......or, should you prefer, we have not the first idea what is going-on, we simply do not know how it all works, nor are we really meant to know.
Each night now, I settle into bed with my earpieces firmly in place, listening to teachings from the minds of far greater philosophers than I will ever be - although I secretly do not wish that sweeping statement to be a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I could state something as inane as 'I am much more a 'deep-thinker' than a Philosopher per se', but you might all laugh at me if I stated that.
Ooops!
Each night, via the magic that are AudioBooks, I also 'absorb' some beautifully simple principles, and it's as though the speaker is talking directly to Me - he must be, since he seems to know all about me, about my circumstances, my life as it has been and as it now is - parts of me suspect the speaker to be my house-mate, yet as amazing as he is, this dude doing the talking knows way too many things.......not that I am a secretive soul, au contrere, yet the man talking to me seems so much closer than the closest friend.......who has told him all this stuff??
It's amazing, wonderful, to have this person talking directly to Me, and the only down-side to any of it is that, every night, I fall asleep eventually (even amidst the fascination of what this guy is telling me, yes!)........I crash and fall asleep, missing what is without any doubt Very Important Information.
As you may have correctly guessed, I then need to back-track through the audiobook to the point at which I lapsed - a small price to pay, and I can usually always directly find it readily enough the next night.
Oh, the guy's name??
It's Eckhart Tolle.
The books?
The Power Of Now, A New Earth, Awakening Into The Now and others........he's a very prolific writer and his works will benefit any and all who are open to change, are in distress, are lost and feeling alone, in crisis of any kind. I am no promoter, simply someone who has benefited and continues to benefit from the teachings of this absolutely incredible man.
So, if you'll excuse me, I have a lot more work to do - having a comprehensive knowledge of Anatomy & Human Physiology is of little use in the metaphysical realm - in the end, it's more about belief and trust in the power to change, to nurture and never neglect our own soul as a means toward such an end, and the need to remind ourselves that it will always, always be a work in progress until we draw our very last breath.
The song - It begins by telling a little story, recounted in part below, before hitting home with the chorus.......to my amazement, I hadn't heard this awesome song before.
The lyrics really rang home to me, making me smile, as lyrics are apt to do, and at this particular juncture in my life, they really could not have been more appropriate:
It is entitled 'Welcome To Your Barbeque'
The road is long and windy
Full of twists and turns
But before you can rise from the ashes
You've got to burn baby burn
Welcome to your barbeque
Where we roast all the dreams
That never came true
Welcome to your barbeque
Just Pig-out and dream anew
They must have received a cosmic request at Radio Port Douglas, since clearly, my soul had sent-out a take-away request for that one.
It was, unquestionably & most definitely, meant for Me.
Of course, it's so much easier to tell ourselves not to revisit our pasts, to let it all go, but we do go back, time and again. Sometimes, we're looking for answers, sometimes, looking back in anger, reflecting upon how we find ourselves - sometimes, in fact most often, it is repeatedly so that we do this - at the place where we now are, we reflect upon times gone-by, and usually revisit what might be referred to as The Bad Old Days - not always, since there are so many things that we remember with fondness, but certainly often.
And just how is that tried & true method working-out for us?
We cannot literally set-fire to our pasts, but we do need to find the strength to let most things go, and to continue this as an ongoing & continual work in progress.........when we find ourselves revisiting our past....where we have been, we need to remind ourselves of the Now, most importantly, along with looking forward to what magnificence and joy may lay ahead for us - that we cannot predict or know what this may be should only add to it's anticipated pleasure.
Yes, very easy to say, but so hard to do, let alone master.
It's something I, like so many others, no doubt - (and it's not any source of comfort that we aren't alone, even when it may constantly seem that only We have such dilemmas and such troubled lives!) - I am currently struggling with it, and I remind myself that, if what has transpired ever really mattered to me, then it's bound to hurt, and hurt a lot.
I guess, then, we have to grieve, for it's passing.....to go though the grieving process as if a very dear friend had passed-on, but then, we should choose to remember a dear friend in all of the good ways, for the rest of our own days on this Earth - I guess, again, that we can't always do that too successfully, either, but we should aim in this direction always.
Surely, we are meant to do this?
Can we, then, dissect away all of the 'good' parts of our pasts that we continually resurrect & revisit in our thoughts, and use only those things to recall & reflect upon?
I don't have the answers - but, if we could, if such a thing is attainable, then I suspect we would be able to heal so much more quickly - we should at least try, if we must reflect, or abandon reflection altogether. Rather than taking this route, instead, with some things, we tend to seek far too many answers, where sometimes, even usually, there are none to be found......with other things, there are an abundance of answers many of which we are only too aware, and we all too often & readily elect to remind ourselves of our own errors, and the errors of others who have been within our lives, as if they can somehow really matter and make any difference as such to our life that follows........and how much use is all of this reinforcement of what we have done wrong, of the wrongs others have done to us? Just where is the pay-off here?
Is it simple catharsis, this act of revisiting our pasts - even what I am doing right now, writing this down......is this really beneficial to my own healing?
Again, it's not a rhetorical question in any way, and I have no answers, simply more speculation as a fellow truth seeker and member of the Human Race.
Certainly, we ask a great many more questions of ourselves as we advance in years, likely, almost without doubt, due to our increasing awareness of our own mortality - and it is good to seek answers, to have an inquiring mind, for want of a much better term.....it's in our nature, yes, but that doesn't mean that it's to our benefit and not, in it's very essence, to our detriment.
I think we need to really, properly and fully analyze just what we actually achieve by constantly looking backwards to all of these previous junctures of our lives.......constantly peering back towards the Gone, to the Done - it seems plain enough to see that we are harming ourselves constantly by doing so, and the pay-off, if there is one, is infinitesimally small.
Does it make us happy when we look back at what has been?
Is it ultimately beneficial to those around us, some of whom may care deeply about us and our well-being - we cannot possibly be projecting and giving the very best version of Us.....we are, in effect, 'short-changing' the people in our lives and around us who matter most, by giving them this second-rate version of Ourselves.
Does it help us retain any kind of focus for living in the moment - does it help us to stop along the tracks, to smell the roses along the way, to savour each & every moment as it travels alongside us in parallel with our life-path?
It's so absurd that we cannot see the blatantly obvious answers to this foolishly obvious thing - it is gross neglect of our own soul in the extreme, to not absorb all of the joy around us, yet even as I type these words, my mind freely wanders away into reflective mode, and what enters my mind now are all the usual suspects of Guilt, Regret, Anger, Sadness, Remorse - there are more, so many more, but these are the major culprits...........I become angry with myself now, reminding myself of the futility of searching backwards in time, punishing myself for crimes I did not even commit, and doing it over and over again, repeatedly.
I tell myself, again, that what has gone has Gone, but the urge to look back is so strong and all-consuming. I know what it is that I need to do, yet feel, for the most part, powerless to do anything that will help me achieve what is, on paper at least, this most simple of outcomes....to live in the Now.
This is why it must be an ongoing work, why I must never again neglect my soul, never again take the risk of putting it on auto-pilot, trusting it to take care of itself. Like a flower, like a plant, it requires nurturing - and our soul is akin to one of those very rare plants, perhaps one that only flowers once every 10 years, and only then if all conditions are absolutely perfect for it.
Bad analogy, yes, for sure, but the best one I can come-up with so early in the morning, and still only on my second flat white.
We must give freely to those around us, but primarily, we must give to Ourselves - it's not the 'proverbial' Rocket Science, but how often do we forget - I find myself now wondering about the truly selfish, and sadly, there are such people in this beautiful world we live in.
Do they have these issues?
In it's most simplistic of forms, surely they keep almost all things for themselves....one might be forgiven for thinking that they are overflowing with their own Love, and thus are immune from ever being hurt - they never come close to making themselves so vulnerable by giving too much at all to others, since by their very nature, they are Selfish.
I feel very sure that there are alternative prices to pay for being this way - perhaps they still find themselves with an abundance of love from their fellow friends or partners. (maybe I need to convert and become a Bad Guy - it's a very well-known fact that all the really great girls love a Bad Guy, so I ought to do well enough, surely?)
I feel sure that the reality is very different - there exists, somewhere out there, an equation that relates directly to Love and to Giving freely, with the return at least in proportion or greater than that as given.
Then again, it cannot be an all-encompassing equation without variables (yes, yes, I'll hop-out of the Mathematical analogy thing real soon!) - historically, though, some have given so sacrificially, and have paid the ultimate price for doing so....I'm sure I don't need to quote names, since there are plenty out there.
To get off the Maths thing, let's wrap the sucker up by suggesting that there may be a single equation with many variables, or a multitude of equations plus or minus what could be an infinite number of variables......or, should you prefer, we have not the first idea what is going-on, we simply do not know how it all works, nor are we really meant to know.
Each night now, I settle into bed with my earpieces firmly in place, listening to teachings from the minds of far greater philosophers than I will ever be - although I secretly do not wish that sweeping statement to be a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I could state something as inane as 'I am much more a 'deep-thinker' than a Philosopher per se', but you might all laugh at me if I stated that.
Ooops!
Each night, via the magic that are AudioBooks, I also 'absorb' some beautifully simple principles, and it's as though the speaker is talking directly to Me - he must be, since he seems to know all about me, about my circumstances, my life as it has been and as it now is - parts of me suspect the speaker to be my house-mate, yet as amazing as he is, this dude doing the talking knows way too many things.......not that I am a secretive soul, au contrere, yet the man talking to me seems so much closer than the closest friend.......who has told him all this stuff??
It's amazing, wonderful, to have this person talking directly to Me, and the only down-side to any of it is that, every night, I fall asleep eventually (even amidst the fascination of what this guy is telling me, yes!)........I crash and fall asleep, missing what is without any doubt Very Important Information.
As you may have correctly guessed, I then need to back-track through the audiobook to the point at which I lapsed - a small price to pay, and I can usually always directly find it readily enough the next night.
Oh, the guy's name??
It's Eckhart Tolle.
The books?
The Power Of Now, A New Earth, Awakening Into The Now and others........he's a very prolific writer and his works will benefit any and all who are open to change, are in distress, are lost and feeling alone, in crisis of any kind. I am no promoter, simply someone who has benefited and continues to benefit from the teachings of this absolutely incredible man.
So, if you'll excuse me, I have a lot more work to do - having a comprehensive knowledge of Anatomy & Human Physiology is of little use in the metaphysical realm - in the end, it's more about belief and trust in the power to change, to nurture and never neglect our own soul as a means toward such an end, and the need to remind ourselves that it will always, always be a work in progress until we draw our very last breath.
Saturday, 24 March 2012
Louder Than Bombs
That feeling that can come along, sometimes and, if we are blessed, more than once or twice, where it's as if someone has turned-on a very bright light.....check that my sunglasses are on and in-place - yes, not that, then........light much too bright for something so simple.
It's a realization, one so obvious, of being surrounded by Love, itself being shown and displayed in all manner of ways, by people all around me. More love, much, much more Love, different yet more meaningful love than experienced with a close partner, one who has shared my life and everything within it.
Yes.......a bold statement to make, but I have satisfied myself that it is a true one.
I am amongst amazing people.....surrounded by people......who care. Having recently just about arrived at the point where I can rebuild my shattered heart & life, on my own, without the aid of a safety net, which is, really, where we are all at in this life, I cannot believe how many amazing people surround me, how many are there for me, without expectation of anything in return.
Yet, they have always been there.....The safety net was there all along......we are all alone, yet we are never alone.
I say that these amazing people are all there 'without expectation of anything', but of course, I am expected to be Me.....no major problemo, and I can readily do what I have always done, and be Me, only better, stronger.......the best version of Me that I can be.
Being Me, though, didn't work-out too well for me with my now ex-partner, and whilst I have tried to make some sense of it all, the answers, not that they really matter, were there, plain to see all of the time and staring me in the face.
It has taken me a few years to fully realize that my own emphasis upon virtues such as honesty and openness, with an almost abnormal emphasis on Trust, has been of no use whatsoever to me within that relationship - values, as held by others due to cultural divides, usually meant little to my partner. In accepting my own guilt for whatever my own part has been for our downfall, I will likely never fully understand the reasoning for such waste, but then, I am not meant to understand.
Who am I to expect such things in others I elect to be with as my partner - seriously, it's very much down to me in ensuring that all is well with whomever I am with - I think, sometimes, it's so often the case that we all gloss-over what appear, at the time, to be minor details, which later turn-out to be much more important and significant than we have allowed for.......yes, these things can and do come back to bite us, and bite us hard, if we have been foolish enough to give all of ourselves.
But fuck all of this reflective shite.......No matter all of this, since it has been determined that I now find myself here in Paradise, flying Solo.
As if I should complain.
That even I had been walking around with my eyes closed was perfectly exemplified yesterday - and it merely goes to illustrate just how insular and withdrawn I had become, even living here in Paradise.......I hadn't realized at all.
I am, and have always been a man who truly appreciates the wonder of the tropics, always stopping to smell the roses, or at least thinking so.
After helping me mechanically with what we'll refer to as 'my car troubles', in joint company with another friend Roy, (present for his own part in classic 'observer/advisory mode' only) my friend and Barista Supremo, Glen, suggested we go for a dip at Mossman Gorge - it was the sort of hot and sticky day where such things are not questioned, and I made a grab for my togs and off we went, at very high-speed, in the Mitsubishi Legnum of Joy, to Mossman Gorge.
I had visited the gorge many times, yet never swam there - on arrival, we went for it, swimming across to a large rock some 30 metres out. The water was so cool, and needed caution when first entering. Fitter dudes than I (ie, almost everyone else) have had cardiac arrests due to the shock of the cold immersion.........but man, it was so beautiful. Once on the rock, watching the beauty all around us, it was pure magic, and I just could not bring myself to believe that I had been here for so long and not done this yet. I was even a little angry with myself, but vowed to ensure I would never be so foolish again.
What an epiphany......I felt so alive, and for the first time in such a long time, wanted to Live, really live my life, seeing with such clarity how incredibly lucky I am to be placed here, in this magical, wonderful part of the world. I know now, with certainty, that there is so much more than simply hope, that I need to go-on and live, and to live well. There is purpose and meaning to my life that can never now be taken away.
Over at another good friends place the other evening, along with my housemate Mark.....let's call my other good friend Roy, since this is his name (you will recall that you briefly met Roy a little earlier, as he was helping me with my car, along with Glen).
Now, Roy is still very much reeling from his recent sojourn to the Philippines for what were 10 days of.......well, pleasure, I guess one would call it. Roy, not being a greedy man, found a very sweet woman and remained with only her for the duration of his stay, rather than taking the 'sampler' option, choosing quality over quantity.
Listening to his recount of events, one could be forgiven for thinking that there were more, such was his special lady's adeptness and agility to be in 'many places at the same time' as it were, no doubt. Unquestionably, though, she was a wonderful companion and friend, and someone who has very clearly brought a great deal of happiness to Roy.
Roy went-on to tell us, when we asked about the availability of condoms, to tell us that there were all manner and kinds of them, different colours, some with horns and Mickey Mouse heads on the end etc. (which all goes to show just how long I had been 'out of the loop')
He firmly and rather proudly stated that he 'took his own over there' and 'only ever used Australian condoms'.
It seemed an appropriate moment to ask him if he had ever noticed the 'Australian Standards' logo as stamped upon the Aussie condoms, and when he replied 'No', I reminded him that he simply "hadn't rolled it down far enough".
Much merriment and chuckles were had, and Mark almost stepped on the dog's balls.....you had to be there really, but said extra-large dogs genitals (since both the dog and it's balls were massively over-sized) were just below his size 16 thong : he's a big guy, is Mark, almost as big as Roy's dog, which really isn't a dog at all, more an over-grown Bengal Tiger, such is the size of him. He was, though, as good as gold all night long, laying down on the cool tiled floor, doing little other than acknowledging our presence every few minutes with the slightest wag of his fucking huge & enormous tail.
He was a beautiful thing, for all of his size, and I can't wait to meet him again - the dog, he was magnificent also.
But back to this Philippines thing - when does it become ok to go and visit such a place as a single man? I haven't ever really been single for long enough to contemplate such things, and I guess we could call it serendipitous that I have never had to search too far for pleasures of the flesh, although many would argue that being married 'doesn't count', in which case I have endured a desperate famine.
I have, though, been to Thailand 3 times, each and every one of them with a woman, who was, most often, my wife. Talk about taking snow to the Eskimo's, or carrying coals to Newcastle, as we would say in the U.K.
I enjoyed the scenic and cultural side of all of my Thailand holidays, all of which were way back in the 1980's, yet the bar girls most often would ignore the fact that I was actually with someone, and rub their eager crotches up and down my leg regardless. What can a man do.......I did ask them to stop, and after a few hours, they did. My wife/partner went a little further than this by pushing them away, or trying to, since there were so many of them. Such was the way of things for the lovely Thai bar girls, when they were not busy chatting to one another, eating a bag of deep-fried crickets eagerly and avidly.
I suspect that little has changed there, and that also, life in the Philippines would not differ greatly from it.
Do I, though, actually want to go there, as a now single man?
Fuck, yes!!.........What do you think I am, fucking crazy???!!!???
Of course, it wouldn't be all about the shagging and fooling around.......there's a whole culture waiting for me to immerse myself within, exotic foods to be sampled and enjoyed, ancient temples and markets to be visited, unmarried Philippino women to be admired & entertained........no, it wouldn't all be about the shagging.
I believe that Roy will be making a return visit in November, with possibly an interim visit sneaking-in after Easter, if all goes to plan for him. I've begun saving, just in case I need that kind of a culture shock, for the November sortie........now then, don't go judge me too harshly........and of course, I promise to wear at least 3 condoms and smear myself in protective jelly, which can actually be a lot of fun, I'm told. I have, for the information of anyone, been surgically amended, happy in the knowledge that my contribution to the gene pool is more than complete. More than enough seeds have been sewn, and I have been firing blanks now for around 7 years - I will, given the opportunity, bang-off a great many more before I finally drop-off the twig and Bite the Big One. I will, though, go-on and live to be at least 100 yrs old.
For now, though, as I sip on the first of a great many Flat Whites here in Everything-Is-Possible-Land, and on polling day here in Queensland, all seems to be well. The cafe is beginning to swell a little with regulars and tourists alike, and even for the off-season, there are a few of those around. I really ought to go and get my vote cast, even though a landslide victory for the LNP is predicted - Bob Katter has tried his best with his Australian Party, but even a break-dancing video cannot completely disguise an absolute knob-jockey, albeit a well-meaning one. Our Bob, bless him, he is loved and loathed in just about equal quantities.
The sky is blue, the sun is shining brightly, the natives are friendly, and I am very much Alive.
My Face Will Be Leaving In 5 Minutes.......................Be On It.
It's a realization, one so obvious, of being surrounded by Love, itself being shown and displayed in all manner of ways, by people all around me. More love, much, much more Love, different yet more meaningful love than experienced with a close partner, one who has shared my life and everything within it.
Yes.......a bold statement to make, but I have satisfied myself that it is a true one.
I am amongst amazing people.....surrounded by people......who care. Having recently just about arrived at the point where I can rebuild my shattered heart & life, on my own, without the aid of a safety net, which is, really, where we are all at in this life, I cannot believe how many amazing people surround me, how many are there for me, without expectation of anything in return.
Yet, they have always been there.....The safety net was there all along......we are all alone, yet we are never alone.
I say that these amazing people are all there 'without expectation of anything', but of course, I am expected to be Me.....no major problemo, and I can readily do what I have always done, and be Me, only better, stronger.......the best version of Me that I can be.
Being Me, though, didn't work-out too well for me with my now ex-partner, and whilst I have tried to make some sense of it all, the answers, not that they really matter, were there, plain to see all of the time and staring me in the face.
It has taken me a few years to fully realize that my own emphasis upon virtues such as honesty and openness, with an almost abnormal emphasis on Trust, has been of no use whatsoever to me within that relationship - values, as held by others due to cultural divides, usually meant little to my partner. In accepting my own guilt for whatever my own part has been for our downfall, I will likely never fully understand the reasoning for such waste, but then, I am not meant to understand.
Who am I to expect such things in others I elect to be with as my partner - seriously, it's very much down to me in ensuring that all is well with whomever I am with - I think, sometimes, it's so often the case that we all gloss-over what appear, at the time, to be minor details, which later turn-out to be much more important and significant than we have allowed for.......yes, these things can and do come back to bite us, and bite us hard, if we have been foolish enough to give all of ourselves.
But fuck all of this reflective shite.......No matter all of this, since it has been determined that I now find myself here in Paradise, flying Solo.
As if I should complain.
That even I had been walking around with my eyes closed was perfectly exemplified yesterday - and it merely goes to illustrate just how insular and withdrawn I had become, even living here in Paradise.......I hadn't realized at all.
I am, and have always been a man who truly appreciates the wonder of the tropics, always stopping to smell the roses, or at least thinking so.
After helping me mechanically with what we'll refer to as 'my car troubles', in joint company with another friend Roy, (present for his own part in classic 'observer/advisory mode' only) my friend and Barista Supremo, Glen, suggested we go for a dip at Mossman Gorge - it was the sort of hot and sticky day where such things are not questioned, and I made a grab for my togs and off we went, at very high-speed, in the Mitsubishi Legnum of Joy, to Mossman Gorge.
I had visited the gorge many times, yet never swam there - on arrival, we went for it, swimming across to a large rock some 30 metres out. The water was so cool, and needed caution when first entering. Fitter dudes than I (ie, almost everyone else) have had cardiac arrests due to the shock of the cold immersion.........but man, it was so beautiful. Once on the rock, watching the beauty all around us, it was pure magic, and I just could not bring myself to believe that I had been here for so long and not done this yet. I was even a little angry with myself, but vowed to ensure I would never be so foolish again.
What an epiphany......I felt so alive, and for the first time in such a long time, wanted to Live, really live my life, seeing with such clarity how incredibly lucky I am to be placed here, in this magical, wonderful part of the world. I know now, with certainty, that there is so much more than simply hope, that I need to go-on and live, and to live well. There is purpose and meaning to my life that can never now be taken away.
Over at another good friends place the other evening, along with my housemate Mark.....let's call my other good friend Roy, since this is his name (you will recall that you briefly met Roy a little earlier, as he was helping me with my car, along with Glen).
Now, Roy is still very much reeling from his recent sojourn to the Philippines for what were 10 days of.......well, pleasure, I guess one would call it. Roy, not being a greedy man, found a very sweet woman and remained with only her for the duration of his stay, rather than taking the 'sampler' option, choosing quality over quantity.
Listening to his recount of events, one could be forgiven for thinking that there were more, such was his special lady's adeptness and agility to be in 'many places at the same time' as it were, no doubt. Unquestionably, though, she was a wonderful companion and friend, and someone who has very clearly brought a great deal of happiness to Roy.
Roy went-on to tell us, when we asked about the availability of condoms, to tell us that there were all manner and kinds of them, different colours, some with horns and Mickey Mouse heads on the end etc. (which all goes to show just how long I had been 'out of the loop')
He firmly and rather proudly stated that he 'took his own over there' and 'only ever used Australian condoms'.
It seemed an appropriate moment to ask him if he had ever noticed the 'Australian Standards' logo as stamped upon the Aussie condoms, and when he replied 'No', I reminded him that he simply "hadn't rolled it down far enough".
Much merriment and chuckles were had, and Mark almost stepped on the dog's balls.....you had to be there really, but said extra-large dogs genitals (since both the dog and it's balls were massively over-sized) were just below his size 16 thong : he's a big guy, is Mark, almost as big as Roy's dog, which really isn't a dog at all, more an over-grown Bengal Tiger, such is the size of him. He was, though, as good as gold all night long, laying down on the cool tiled floor, doing little other than acknowledging our presence every few minutes with the slightest wag of his fucking huge & enormous tail.
He was a beautiful thing, for all of his size, and I can't wait to meet him again - the dog, he was magnificent also.
But back to this Philippines thing - when does it become ok to go and visit such a place as a single man? I haven't ever really been single for long enough to contemplate such things, and I guess we could call it serendipitous that I have never had to search too far for pleasures of the flesh, although many would argue that being married 'doesn't count', in which case I have endured a desperate famine.
I have, though, been to Thailand 3 times, each and every one of them with a woman, who was, most often, my wife. Talk about taking snow to the Eskimo's, or carrying coals to Newcastle, as we would say in the U.K.
I enjoyed the scenic and cultural side of all of my Thailand holidays, all of which were way back in the 1980's, yet the bar girls most often would ignore the fact that I was actually with someone, and rub their eager crotches up and down my leg regardless. What can a man do.......I did ask them to stop, and after a few hours, they did. My wife/partner went a little further than this by pushing them away, or trying to, since there were so many of them. Such was the way of things for the lovely Thai bar girls, when they were not busy chatting to one another, eating a bag of deep-fried crickets eagerly and avidly.
I suspect that little has changed there, and that also, life in the Philippines would not differ greatly from it.
Do I, though, actually want to go there, as a now single man?
Fuck, yes!!.........What do you think I am, fucking crazy???!!!???
Of course, it wouldn't be all about the shagging and fooling around.......there's a whole culture waiting for me to immerse myself within, exotic foods to be sampled and enjoyed, ancient temples and markets to be visited, unmarried Philippino women to be admired & entertained........no, it wouldn't all be about the shagging.
I believe that Roy will be making a return visit in November, with possibly an interim visit sneaking-in after Easter, if all goes to plan for him. I've begun saving, just in case I need that kind of a culture shock, for the November sortie........now then, don't go judge me too harshly........and of course, I promise to wear at least 3 condoms and smear myself in protective jelly, which can actually be a lot of fun, I'm told. I have, for the information of anyone, been surgically amended, happy in the knowledge that my contribution to the gene pool is more than complete. More than enough seeds have been sewn, and I have been firing blanks now for around 7 years - I will, given the opportunity, bang-off a great many more before I finally drop-off the twig and Bite the Big One. I will, though, go-on and live to be at least 100 yrs old.
For now, though, as I sip on the first of a great many Flat Whites here in Everything-Is-Possible-Land, and on polling day here in Queensland, all seems to be well. The cafe is beginning to swell a little with regulars and tourists alike, and even for the off-season, there are a few of those around. I really ought to go and get my vote cast, even though a landslide victory for the LNP is predicted - Bob Katter has tried his best with his Australian Party, but even a break-dancing video cannot completely disguise an absolute knob-jockey, albeit a well-meaning one. Our Bob, bless him, he is loved and loathed in just about equal quantities.
The sky is blue, the sun is shining brightly, the natives are friendly, and I am very much Alive.
My Face Will Be Leaving In 5 Minutes.......................Be On It.
Thursday, 3 November 2011
It Never Rains.....
It never rains around here......it just comes pouring down.
Were I to wax-on in any metaphorical manner, many would no doubt rapidly remind me just how very lucky I am to have such climatic joy all around me.
Sure, it rains around here...and it really does come pouring down, too, more often than not, once it begins to rain, in typical Far North Queensland Wet Season Style.
I'm not entirely sure where to begin with this little foray, and have certainly even less of a notion as to where it all may end, but when one feels the urge to write, well, at least I've always been a believer that one really should put pen to paper, or fingers very clumsily to keyboard, in this case.
In a place where relaxation is de rigeur, why am I finding it so very difficult to relax?
What is it that I want and need in order that this most essential of reasons for coming here is allowed to come to fruition? It's certainly not the weather, that old chestnut that gets the blame and/or is the talking point so many times, and of course, often when there isn't any other valid talking point around the place, we'll completely & reliably turn to the weather to bail us out where no other words, sayings, statements or expressions are either relevant or come to mind, that is, to our aid.
Can't do it this time, though.....I believe we've already talked far more 'weather' than has been good for this particular scribbling, and just as mentioned, mostly due to my own fumblings as to where on Earth to begin and worse still, where to go with it, where it will take me.
I've felt so unsettled now, not in a way where I question being in the right place - I could put good money upon the feelings being at least twice as bad if I were anyplace else - nor as to being with the 'wrong people', although I am always one to constantly question this particular issue, even spending most of my life doing so, very likely more through self-doubt blended with a little lack of self respect than to any mysterious reason, not that I expect any of this to make any sense, at least not just yet.
If it doesn't to me, how will to to anyone else, I hear myself saying.......the voices in the head are crapping-on yet again.
Anything I'm likely to state cannot really appear to anyone else as it really is, as I perceive it to be in reality, that is, any more than it can paint or tarnish me as anything other than some ungrateful & whinging bastard who doesn't know when he is well-off - well, it's not much use if all I ever write are things that avoid ultimate truths, avoid the real stuff of life, as we live it, in that warts and all kind-of way. And I've always tried to live my own life this way, to the amusement of some and to the despair and distaste of yet others, and in doing so, have tried to actively seek-out, along the way, like minded others who do similarly - people who are open books, real people, as most would refer to them as, but they are much more than simply real, these most elusive of folk - as rare as shit from a rocking horse or hen's teeth, they represent the very foundation of why I have now, and have always had, so few people that I can call 'Friends'. To the surprise of many, no, it's not at all that I'm some kind of horrible bastard - it's through choice........Mine.
I can see already that this little etching is flying around in a very haphazard manner, making little sense even to me, it's author - I know what I want to say, just not in which order I want to say it, I think.
Let's try and get it back on track, just a bit........taking one issue at a time might be the way forward here.
Relaxation, now that's where we began, so back to this precious stuff - I never seem to have a single day where I'm not running around, sorting-out 'Things' that never seem to get sorted out....you know the ones.....we fix-up 3 of them, only for 12 more to appear sneakily (or blatantly in your face with added arrogance) - perhaps, as an example, we'll need to call the power company, who, reliably as ever, have spectacularly fucked-up our latest bill, or calling RACQ to transfer membership from another state (as opposed to an Alternate State....even a Euphoric State), or making moves toward changing over driving licenses, car registration, names, addresses, telephone numbers and chasing down the error of other people's mail that is simultaneously and in total violation being sent on to us, redirected along with our own, on the basis of the person having the same surname as my wife, yet very clearly with a first name that could not be more different........mail from the new occupier of our old rental home, if this is still making sense.
I've had to chase-up this little beauty 4 times now and it's still not sorted - and we don't, quite clearly, get all of this persons mail, just one or 2 every 2 weeks or so........it doesn't take a Particle Physicist to see that this is the error of a single employee at the sorting office, who, when seeing the surname, doesn't bother to check the first name matches that as listed upon the redirection order.
But I am asking way too much for my 50-odd bucks that I shouldn't get the mail of others, I know......how very pedantic of me.
I'm feeling medium-sized twinges of that old feeling sorry for myself thing creeping-in, but superimposed upon it are other feelings that state, quite openly, that I am allowed to do so, just at the moment - that I have a Free Self Pity Pass....a bit like a get out of jail free card, that I can use at any time.....I choose to use my pass Now, if you don't mind, no question about it, right now, Please.
I need to relax, just for a little while.......need enough down time to fully unwind, although maybe that's a little ambitious, since it would take more time than I have left, almost certainly, to do that........and so the circle completes itself.......the ultimate worry, the uber, most scary and terrifying worry of them all, that of not having enough Time.
Could this be at the heart of everything here?
Certainly, in recent weeks, it's been this that has plagued me more than anything else, yet short of taking fistfuls of Valium, there really are no solutions to it. Perhaps, even, if I didn't have these distractions of having so many things to tend to all the time, incessant shite that keeps on coming, and all of it for Me, Myself and I to deal with, it would be many times worse........but again, as I type these very words, what a whinging bastard I must sound like, under what are my own apparently wonderful to the observer, life-circumstances......maybe others simply don't bother to write about such things....and I'm one of these people, usually, one to get on with it, to have no more than an 'angry of Port Douglas here' moment, to smash away at things as they come to me, like swatting flies, done, done, now on to the next one-style, ready & waiting for the next barrage to come........being on-top of things, as it were.
I guess what I'm trying to say here is that there is an overriding feeling of never being able to get close to this state of play........something I never had issues with not so long ago.
It's not helping being angry, either, since it's so easy to lose focus of reality in this most useless of states - Anger.....surely one of the useless emotions up for elimination, along with jealousy and coveting one's neighbour's wife - to be phased-out come the next Millennium.......and now, all I really need to do is to add my coming & going feelings of not being understood and there it all is.........still, I will go marry a woman from a far away land who I can't properly communicate with, won't I, eh?
Dare I say it......Without in any way wishing to sound up myself, yet almost with absolute certainty, doing the very opposite, many's the day when I wish, very, very deeply that I were but A Simple Man.
I can be my own worst enemy, of course - that I choose to not surround myself with an abundance of friends, nor do I want to join this or that club or organization, to find something in which I could be interested. (this always sounds too much like hard work to me - shouldn't these things just present themselves to us? Why must we think long & hard about what extra-curricular activities we should do - Fuck all that rubbish) Yet having few hobbies or club memberships does little to help the feelings of solitude - never has, and never will - yet it's always been the way, the path that I've taken, to be so selective and, really, a man on his own. Small wonder, then, that I have overriding feelings of not being fully understood, since I've seen to it, time & again, that there's never anyone around anywhere to ever be bothered to try.
So what seems to have emerged here are a couple of things, these seemingly being, in brief, (for me, at least):
1. The fear of not having enough time left to do what is needed - not that I have the first idea exactly what it is that's left to do.
2. The inability to properly relax due to a variety of reasons....pain and all that comes with it aside, which is a whole other book-in-waiting......ongoing and everyday issues that only I am able to sort-out - but mainly, and far worse, it has to be said, originating from other people's slack-arsed ways, the errors of others that I end-up having to correct, multiple times (no, really, this is as true as I sit here) - things that lesser beings.......let's call them that, since I am an intelligent enough man.......would struggle with........if the fuckwittery of others can get to me, then surely many others would fall completely by the wayside.
It dawns upon me suddenly that these may be the very people who waste time and our tax dollarpounds appearing before judges for repeatedly not paying traffic fines/gas bills/the fuck-up's of others etc.
Eureka!
I am no fool, but intelligence alone cannot stop the enormity, the sheer mass of crap that needs sorting out, that keeps on coming, day after day.........being proactive is no kind of weapon - and it always used to be thus, but it simply isn't anymore....there's just too much of it about, this Crap.
(My oh my, didn't #2 go-on a bit there!)
3. Loneliness - that I have a beautiful wife, and a daughter who is wonderful, in spite of her occasional idiocy, typically teenage twattery and couldn't give a fuck about anyone but Me attitude - all normal teenage fare, in other words, along with my living in Paradise, that I cannot ever seem to shake-off the feelings of being totally and utterly On My Own.
(This one really isn't anything new - not new to having relocated, I should add) and whilst I had then, and still have a very wonderful friend, who knows well enough who he is, the feelings of being very much Alone remain as always, for me, a very overpowering and all-encompassing feeling.
Is it depression? I'm not sure that even severe depression is capable of such things, not on it's own, and I am qualified enough to be able to state this - bouts of depression, being familiar visitors to me, tend to take things in a single direction, where this stuff all seems much more multifaceted and multi-directional.
Another thing that is a real failing of mine - and strange that it should be seen as such, but it is, in the end, a serious failing........I give too much, much too much, which leaves so little left in the pot for Me.......what can happen then, is that I half expect certain others to give me just a little in return, when of course, for the most part, they do not.....they cannot, not really, nor should they be asked to - what needs to happen, really, is for me to reign-in the Giving, just a little bit, or at least try harder in making some of it totally unconditional.
It's an unconscious thing that we do, this giving, I'm sure.....and I couldn't just stop Giving if it meant saving my life......if perhaps I could just better understand why I am so predisposed to be Me.......but then, we aren't really allowed to fully see into those depths of who we are, only tantalizing glimpses.........trailers of a movie, that sometimes leave us wanting more, sometimes not.....there are a great many movies, of course, that we have no interest at all in seeing, and likely as not, would be no surprise of any kind were we to find out, eventually, one day, that we were never meant to unravel and/or understand so many of the things that our minds lead us toward tampering with.......we might be inquisitive beings, but it's something of a design flaw, I feel sure, that we become preoccupied with things we have little hope of ever being able to comprehend.
4. I Think (Too Much).......Therefore I Am......A Very, very Foolish Man.
And isn't the answer, so often, staring us right in the face all the while?
I am, though, still searching for my Reset button.
This blog will likely self-destruct, or better yet, not be read by anyone.
Were I to wax-on in any metaphorical manner, many would no doubt rapidly remind me just how very lucky I am to have such climatic joy all around me.
Sure, it rains around here...and it really does come pouring down, too, more often than not, once it begins to rain, in typical Far North Queensland Wet Season Style.
I'm not entirely sure where to begin with this little foray, and have certainly even less of a notion as to where it all may end, but when one feels the urge to write, well, at least I've always been a believer that one really should put pen to paper, or fingers very clumsily to keyboard, in this case.
In a place where relaxation is de rigeur, why am I finding it so very difficult to relax?
What is it that I want and need in order that this most essential of reasons for coming here is allowed to come to fruition? It's certainly not the weather, that old chestnut that gets the blame and/or is the talking point so many times, and of course, often when there isn't any other valid talking point around the place, we'll completely & reliably turn to the weather to bail us out where no other words, sayings, statements or expressions are either relevant or come to mind, that is, to our aid.
Can't do it this time, though.....I believe we've already talked far more 'weather' than has been good for this particular scribbling, and just as mentioned, mostly due to my own fumblings as to where on Earth to begin and worse still, where to go with it, where it will take me.
I've felt so unsettled now, not in a way where I question being in the right place - I could put good money upon the feelings being at least twice as bad if I were anyplace else - nor as to being with the 'wrong people', although I am always one to constantly question this particular issue, even spending most of my life doing so, very likely more through self-doubt blended with a little lack of self respect than to any mysterious reason, not that I expect any of this to make any sense, at least not just yet.
If it doesn't to me, how will to to anyone else, I hear myself saying.......the voices in the head are crapping-on yet again.
Anything I'm likely to state cannot really appear to anyone else as it really is, as I perceive it to be in reality, that is, any more than it can paint or tarnish me as anything other than some ungrateful & whinging bastard who doesn't know when he is well-off - well, it's not much use if all I ever write are things that avoid ultimate truths, avoid the real stuff of life, as we live it, in that warts and all kind-of way. And I've always tried to live my own life this way, to the amusement of some and to the despair and distaste of yet others, and in doing so, have tried to actively seek-out, along the way, like minded others who do similarly - people who are open books, real people, as most would refer to them as, but they are much more than simply real, these most elusive of folk - as rare as shit from a rocking horse or hen's teeth, they represent the very foundation of why I have now, and have always had, so few people that I can call 'Friends'. To the surprise of many, no, it's not at all that I'm some kind of horrible bastard - it's through choice........Mine.
I can see already that this little etching is flying around in a very haphazard manner, making little sense even to me, it's author - I know what I want to say, just not in which order I want to say it, I think.
Let's try and get it back on track, just a bit........taking one issue at a time might be the way forward here.
Relaxation, now that's where we began, so back to this precious stuff - I never seem to have a single day where I'm not running around, sorting-out 'Things' that never seem to get sorted out....you know the ones.....we fix-up 3 of them, only for 12 more to appear sneakily (or blatantly in your face with added arrogance) - perhaps, as an example, we'll need to call the power company, who, reliably as ever, have spectacularly fucked-up our latest bill, or calling RACQ to transfer membership from another state (as opposed to an Alternate State....even a Euphoric State), or making moves toward changing over driving licenses, car registration, names, addresses, telephone numbers and chasing down the error of other people's mail that is simultaneously and in total violation being sent on to us, redirected along with our own, on the basis of the person having the same surname as my wife, yet very clearly with a first name that could not be more different........mail from the new occupier of our old rental home, if this is still making sense.
I've had to chase-up this little beauty 4 times now and it's still not sorted - and we don't, quite clearly, get all of this persons mail, just one or 2 every 2 weeks or so........it doesn't take a Particle Physicist to see that this is the error of a single employee at the sorting office, who, when seeing the surname, doesn't bother to check the first name matches that as listed upon the redirection order.
But I am asking way too much for my 50-odd bucks that I shouldn't get the mail of others, I know......how very pedantic of me.
I'm feeling medium-sized twinges of that old feeling sorry for myself thing creeping-in, but superimposed upon it are other feelings that state, quite openly, that I am allowed to do so, just at the moment - that I have a Free Self Pity Pass....a bit like a get out of jail free card, that I can use at any time.....I choose to use my pass Now, if you don't mind, no question about it, right now, Please.
I need to relax, just for a little while.......need enough down time to fully unwind, although maybe that's a little ambitious, since it would take more time than I have left, almost certainly, to do that........and so the circle completes itself.......the ultimate worry, the uber, most scary and terrifying worry of them all, that of not having enough Time.
Could this be at the heart of everything here?
Certainly, in recent weeks, it's been this that has plagued me more than anything else, yet short of taking fistfuls of Valium, there really are no solutions to it. Perhaps, even, if I didn't have these distractions of having so many things to tend to all the time, incessant shite that keeps on coming, and all of it for Me, Myself and I to deal with, it would be many times worse........but again, as I type these very words, what a whinging bastard I must sound like, under what are my own apparently wonderful to the observer, life-circumstances......maybe others simply don't bother to write about such things....and I'm one of these people, usually, one to get on with it, to have no more than an 'angry of Port Douglas here' moment, to smash away at things as they come to me, like swatting flies, done, done, now on to the next one-style, ready & waiting for the next barrage to come........being on-top of things, as it were.
I guess what I'm trying to say here is that there is an overriding feeling of never being able to get close to this state of play........something I never had issues with not so long ago.
It's not helping being angry, either, since it's so easy to lose focus of reality in this most useless of states - Anger.....surely one of the useless emotions up for elimination, along with jealousy and coveting one's neighbour's wife - to be phased-out come the next Millennium.......and now, all I really need to do is to add my coming & going feelings of not being understood and there it all is.........still, I will go marry a woman from a far away land who I can't properly communicate with, won't I, eh?
Dare I say it......Without in any way wishing to sound up myself, yet almost with absolute certainty, doing the very opposite, many's the day when I wish, very, very deeply that I were but A Simple Man.
I can be my own worst enemy, of course - that I choose to not surround myself with an abundance of friends, nor do I want to join this or that club or organization, to find something in which I could be interested. (this always sounds too much like hard work to me - shouldn't these things just present themselves to us? Why must we think long & hard about what extra-curricular activities we should do - Fuck all that rubbish) Yet having few hobbies or club memberships does little to help the feelings of solitude - never has, and never will - yet it's always been the way, the path that I've taken, to be so selective and, really, a man on his own. Small wonder, then, that I have overriding feelings of not being fully understood, since I've seen to it, time & again, that there's never anyone around anywhere to ever be bothered to try.
So what seems to have emerged here are a couple of things, these seemingly being, in brief, (for me, at least):
1. The fear of not having enough time left to do what is needed - not that I have the first idea exactly what it is that's left to do.
2. The inability to properly relax due to a variety of reasons....pain and all that comes with it aside, which is a whole other book-in-waiting......ongoing and everyday issues that only I am able to sort-out - but mainly, and far worse, it has to be said, originating from other people's slack-arsed ways, the errors of others that I end-up having to correct, multiple times (no, really, this is as true as I sit here) - things that lesser beings.......let's call them that, since I am an intelligent enough man.......would struggle with........if the fuckwittery of others can get to me, then surely many others would fall completely by the wayside.
It dawns upon me suddenly that these may be the very people who waste time and our tax dollarpounds appearing before judges for repeatedly not paying traffic fines/gas bills/the fuck-up's of others etc.
Eureka!
I am no fool, but intelligence alone cannot stop the enormity, the sheer mass of crap that needs sorting out, that keeps on coming, day after day.........being proactive is no kind of weapon - and it always used to be thus, but it simply isn't anymore....there's just too much of it about, this Crap.
(My oh my, didn't #2 go-on a bit there!)
3. Loneliness - that I have a beautiful wife, and a daughter who is wonderful, in spite of her occasional idiocy, typically teenage twattery and couldn't give a fuck about anyone but Me attitude - all normal teenage fare, in other words, along with my living in Paradise, that I cannot ever seem to shake-off the feelings of being totally and utterly On My Own.
(This one really isn't anything new - not new to having relocated, I should add) and whilst I had then, and still have a very wonderful friend, who knows well enough who he is, the feelings of being very much Alone remain as always, for me, a very overpowering and all-encompassing feeling.
Is it depression? I'm not sure that even severe depression is capable of such things, not on it's own, and I am qualified enough to be able to state this - bouts of depression, being familiar visitors to me, tend to take things in a single direction, where this stuff all seems much more multifaceted and multi-directional.
Another thing that is a real failing of mine - and strange that it should be seen as such, but it is, in the end, a serious failing........I give too much, much too much, which leaves so little left in the pot for Me.......what can happen then, is that I half expect certain others to give me just a little in return, when of course, for the most part, they do not.....they cannot, not really, nor should they be asked to - what needs to happen, really, is for me to reign-in the Giving, just a little bit, or at least try harder in making some of it totally unconditional.
It's an unconscious thing that we do, this giving, I'm sure.....and I couldn't just stop Giving if it meant saving my life......if perhaps I could just better understand why I am so predisposed to be Me.......but then, we aren't really allowed to fully see into those depths of who we are, only tantalizing glimpses.........trailers of a movie, that sometimes leave us wanting more, sometimes not.....there are a great many movies, of course, that we have no interest at all in seeing, and likely as not, would be no surprise of any kind were we to find out, eventually, one day, that we were never meant to unravel and/or understand so many of the things that our minds lead us toward tampering with.......we might be inquisitive beings, but it's something of a design flaw, I feel sure, that we become preoccupied with things we have little hope of ever being able to comprehend.
4. I Think (Too Much).......Therefore I Am......A Very, very Foolish Man.
And isn't the answer, so often, staring us right in the face all the while?
I am, though, still searching for my Reset button.
This blog will likely self-destruct, or better yet, not be read by anyone.
Sunday, 30 October 2011
Paradise Found - But How To Keep It?
It's been said before, quite often by Me........and maybe it's especially apt since I am now injured and for all intents and purposes, likely retired from any kind of work other than piecemeal.
Work - I don't mind going there & coming home, it's just that big long bit in the middle that I can't abide.
Not related at all, really, to the subject matter at hand, but one can't really open a piece of writing with morbidity death and doom, at least not on a Sunday in Port Douglas.
Other meaningless, not dissimilar statements might be 'It's a grand life if you don't weaken, but a much better one if you do'.......but where am I heading with these absolute Pearls?
Well, as they go and do, usually just the once, mind you, people do die, leave this Earth, drop off the twig....'Go to Ivy Cottage' was what we would call it, which was our special Nurses-Only code-word for having gone down to the mortuary.
It goes by many names, does Death, but it's still pretty bloody final when it comes knocking....sometimes expected, sometimes out of the blue, it is The End of All Ends for our mortality, you know, that thing we've ignored for so long, thinking that it's been 'Us' who've been 'putting it off for a bit', when all the while it was locked in as firmly as 'C' always is on 'Who Wants To Be A Millionaire' when the contestant in the chair hasn't got a clue as to the correct answer (everyone knows C is the answer when we don't know the answer - and if anyone's listening, someone ought to change it every few months to keep things interesting, at least - C'Mon Eddie, you knobstick - earn your salary)
I'm not naturally morbidly inclined, (seen here Italicized, with new & added Inclination) if there is such a term....well, there is now......but my ex-Father-In-Law went and 'Bit The Big One' a couple of nights ago. I was informed of his passing via text message, how very convenient, although to be fair, there wasn't really any other way to reach me, since I have neglected to give my ex-wife my only recently acquired phone number for reasons I am yet unsure about, or for reasons that I am very sure about but will save until another time to discuss, unless you press me on the matter.
He passed away peacefully in his sleep, did my Ex-FIL, whilst at home with his family - way to go, I reckon, and never mind all of those who say, No, that's no way to go.......fighting a giant Sea Octopus, wrestling a 10 metre crocodile before snapping it's neck in two, or taking-on the Russian Mafia with nothing more than a copy of The Australian and a pencil....that's the way a man should die - but most of us, in The End, do as did my ex-Father In Law, and die rather peacefully & quite uneventfully in their sleep (provided they haven't been somewhat unlucky and contracted some dreadful intractable disease that can very easily remove & replace the word 'peacefully', trust me on that one)
Of the several years that I knew my ex FIL, there was not one single day that he wasn't completely totally & utterly stoned off his trolley.......permanently off his melon, I kid you not, yet always controlled and capable - and as such, it wasn't always easy for others to tell, but it was a daily and a multiple event for him - and hat's-off to that, I say.
Did he have a good life, well, I'm less sure of that one taken to it's fullest meanings, but you could never say he didn't try very, very hard, in his own way, to have one, mostly single-handedly, and he always had a special glint in his eye and a glass half full attitude about him in that most special Very Green & Hydroponic of ways.
Rest In Peace, Man.
Yes, it always does remind us of our own mortality, this Death thing, although we don't like to focus upon it since it's scares us shitless when we do.....yet we should, if only to use the certainty of our own eventual 'who knows when' demise to help us live this life we've been given to it's absolute fullest.
It can, in the end, be incredibly short, can the Life caper, and again, to throw-in yet another cliche, 'You're a Long Time Dead' - at least in this current version of Life As We Know It - but fuck me, we really don't know it all that well, do we?
When are we ever going to learn that we aren't Immortal?
The TV is choc-full of ad's these days, playing upon our fears of Death, just in case some of us don't have quite enough of those already - you can get your very own Funeral Plan over the phone, usually without a medical examination, they readily tell us - and if Death is as a result of an accident, the payout is quadrupled and paid (usually) within 48 hours (how magnificent!!!! - sign me up today!!!!)....they even have couples, and don't call me a cynic when I say they might just be pretend couples, 'actors' even, telling us the peace of mind they've been given by enlisting in the Funeral Plan.....why leave the family with all that needless debt, they say?
Well, why not, I say.
Death cancels all debts, at least for the Death-ee (that definitely IS a new one!) and I have made it quite clear to the very few loved one's I have that I wish for nothing fancy, with the cheapest of packing cartons being the best I would expect before setting me on fire.
Should anyone attend the after-party celebrations of my own demise's, a few Cucumber Sandwiches with the crusts cut-off (absolutely divine up here in the Tropics, alive or dead) and a jug of chilled water will do well enough for the attendees, and if this makes them think of or remember me only as a tightwad bastard, then at least I won't give a rat's arse about same due to being fully in Dead-Mode.
Death cancels all worries, too, isn't it just marvelous!!
Of course, what I'm doing here is trying to smile about a rather serious matter, since if I didn't, I'd become even more upset than I ever thought I would be about this latest news.
Most text messages I get are those telling me that it's now even cheaper to call China. They should add that it's also and simultaneously even more expensive to call anyone anywhere other than China, especially within one's own country.
Bastards!
In truth, most of this is now written precisely due to it reminding me of my own very fragile existence, and that even living in Paradise can be much more brief than we would ideally wish for - better take all that I've been given and live life as fully as money and, more importantly, health, will allow.
Best end things on another cliche :
You Can't Take It With You.
You can, though, spend it liberally whilst still here so that no-one else can enjoy it, or go-on to use it after your death to buy really stupid things, such as far too many Shoes, Handbags, Houses, PlayStations, Plasma TV's, Doughnuts, Bags of Lollies.
I have a very strong feeling that in the next life, for surely this one we're in isn't It, (No wait, there's More, surely?) - there'll be none, or a very different currency required.
Work - I don't mind going there & coming home, it's just that big long bit in the middle that I can't abide.
Not related at all, really, to the subject matter at hand, but one can't really open a piece of writing with morbidity death and doom, at least not on a Sunday in Port Douglas.
Other meaningless, not dissimilar statements might be 'It's a grand life if you don't weaken, but a much better one if you do'.......but where am I heading with these absolute Pearls?
Well, as they go and do, usually just the once, mind you, people do die, leave this Earth, drop off the twig....'Go to Ivy Cottage' was what we would call it, which was our special Nurses-Only code-word for having gone down to the mortuary.
It goes by many names, does Death, but it's still pretty bloody final when it comes knocking....sometimes expected, sometimes out of the blue, it is The End of All Ends for our mortality, you know, that thing we've ignored for so long, thinking that it's been 'Us' who've been 'putting it off for a bit', when all the while it was locked in as firmly as 'C' always is on 'Who Wants To Be A Millionaire' when the contestant in the chair hasn't got a clue as to the correct answer (everyone knows C is the answer when we don't know the answer - and if anyone's listening, someone ought to change it every few months to keep things interesting, at least - C'Mon Eddie, you knobstick - earn your salary)
I'm not naturally morbidly inclined, (seen here Italicized, with new & added Inclination) if there is such a term....well, there is now......but my ex-Father-In-Law went and 'Bit The Big One' a couple of nights ago. I was informed of his passing via text message, how very convenient, although to be fair, there wasn't really any other way to reach me, since I have neglected to give my ex-wife my only recently acquired phone number for reasons I am yet unsure about, or for reasons that I am very sure about but will save until another time to discuss, unless you press me on the matter.
He passed away peacefully in his sleep, did my Ex-FIL, whilst at home with his family - way to go, I reckon, and never mind all of those who say, No, that's no way to go.......fighting a giant Sea Octopus, wrestling a 10 metre crocodile before snapping it's neck in two, or taking-on the Russian Mafia with nothing more than a copy of The Australian and a pencil....that's the way a man should die - but most of us, in The End, do as did my ex-Father In Law, and die rather peacefully & quite uneventfully in their sleep (provided they haven't been somewhat unlucky and contracted some dreadful intractable disease that can very easily remove & replace the word 'peacefully', trust me on that one)
Of the several years that I knew my ex FIL, there was not one single day that he wasn't completely totally & utterly stoned off his trolley.......permanently off his melon, I kid you not, yet always controlled and capable - and as such, it wasn't always easy for others to tell, but it was a daily and a multiple event for him - and hat's-off to that, I say.
Did he have a good life, well, I'm less sure of that one taken to it's fullest meanings, but you could never say he didn't try very, very hard, in his own way, to have one, mostly single-handedly, and he always had a special glint in his eye and a glass half full attitude about him in that most special Very Green & Hydroponic of ways.
Rest In Peace, Man.
Yes, it always does remind us of our own mortality, this Death thing, although we don't like to focus upon it since it's scares us shitless when we do.....yet we should, if only to use the certainty of our own eventual 'who knows when' demise to help us live this life we've been given to it's absolute fullest.
It can, in the end, be incredibly short, can the Life caper, and again, to throw-in yet another cliche, 'You're a Long Time Dead' - at least in this current version of Life As We Know It - but fuck me, we really don't know it all that well, do we?
When are we ever going to learn that we aren't Immortal?
The TV is choc-full of ad's these days, playing upon our fears of Death, just in case some of us don't have quite enough of those already - you can get your very own Funeral Plan over the phone, usually without a medical examination, they readily tell us - and if Death is as a result of an accident, the payout is quadrupled and paid (usually) within 48 hours (how magnificent!!!! - sign me up today!!!!)....they even have couples, and don't call me a cynic when I say they might just be pretend couples, 'actors' even, telling us the peace of mind they've been given by enlisting in the Funeral Plan.....why leave the family with all that needless debt, they say?
Well, why not, I say.
Death cancels all debts, at least for the Death-ee (that definitely IS a new one!) and I have made it quite clear to the very few loved one's I have that I wish for nothing fancy, with the cheapest of packing cartons being the best I would expect before setting me on fire.
Should anyone attend the after-party celebrations of my own demise's, a few Cucumber Sandwiches with the crusts cut-off (absolutely divine up here in the Tropics, alive or dead) and a jug of chilled water will do well enough for the attendees, and if this makes them think of or remember me only as a tightwad bastard, then at least I won't give a rat's arse about same due to being fully in Dead-Mode.
Death cancels all worries, too, isn't it just marvelous!!
Of course, what I'm doing here is trying to smile about a rather serious matter, since if I didn't, I'd become even more upset than I ever thought I would be about this latest news.
Most text messages I get are those telling me that it's now even cheaper to call China. They should add that it's also and simultaneously even more expensive to call anyone anywhere other than China, especially within one's own country.
Bastards!
In truth, most of this is now written precisely due to it reminding me of my own very fragile existence, and that even living in Paradise can be much more brief than we would ideally wish for - better take all that I've been given and live life as fully as money and, more importantly, health, will allow.
Best end things on another cliche :
You Can't Take It With You.
You can, though, spend it liberally whilst still here so that no-one else can enjoy it, or go-on to use it after your death to buy really stupid things, such as far too many Shoes, Handbags, Houses, PlayStations, Plasma TV's, Doughnuts, Bags of Lollies.
I have a very strong feeling that in the next life, for surely this one we're in isn't It, (No wait, there's More, surely?) - there'll be none, or a very different currency required.
Saturday, 29 October 2011
Blessed Am I!!
I Am Blessed!! - Well, in spite of it being perfectly true & accurate, I stole the title from a Ben Harper song playing a moment ago on Radio Port Douglas (90.9FM &/or 101.1FM).
Have to say it's a top station, too, and will be an even better one as soon as I get some kind of antenna on the car rather than the hole that's always been there, and a perfectly adequate hole, too, until now.
I'm thinking of maybe one of those nice little chunky hard plastic ones, something that makes bad youths that bit more disinclined to snap off, not that youths up here would do that....surely?? I don't need some bloody great big mast, not, at least, until I get my fully equipped Range Rover Vogue with CB Radio, for more of those Off-Road Adventures yet to follow.
Well, one must have ambitions.....
It's less of a joke than it sounds, even if, right now, it's only a thought in the mind - I, too, was such a thought in the mind of my Father (whomever he might be) and Mother (and I didn't know her too well either) - and look at me now, here, large as life and twice as wonderful, at least within my own imagination.
It could happen, you just don't know - I did use to have a superb and fully-equipped Land Cruiser, and that one DID spend most of it's time off-road. It had a CB Radio, mast antenna, a bull-bar & winch - not that Land Cruisers tend to get stuck too often, unless driven by the very foolish....I would struggle to run that one now, mind you (the understatement of the year!) and the big, heavy 6 Cyl 4.5L Petrol Driven beauty that it was didn't have 2 tanks for nought......filling them up, now, with petrol pricing gone mad, would cost a prohibitive amount of money.....it saw many a wild boar, red-bellied black snake and many other wild things. It was, in fact, owned from new, for 2 years, by an Atherton (of Tablelands fame) Doctor, who had used it only to collect the kids from school and running back and forth from the home on acreage to the practice and back.
No more of that namby-pamby bollocks once I had it - it did what it was always meant to do, and did it magnificently, not simply expensively.
Yes, as you may gather, I miss it to this day.
Meh.....I have digressed, and then some, again........
Oh Lucky, Lucky Man!!
As an update on the antenna thing, a small piece of co-axial cable was duly rammed-in to the hole, instantly improving the local radio reception beyond all expectations - no, it doesn't look too flash, but it goes nicely with the car and being free of charge, was certainly a cheap enough solution.
Have to say it's a top station, too, and will be an even better one as soon as I get some kind of antenna on the car rather than the hole that's always been there, and a perfectly adequate hole, too, until now.
I'm thinking of maybe one of those nice little chunky hard plastic ones, something that makes bad youths that bit more disinclined to snap off, not that youths up here would do that....surely?? I don't need some bloody great big mast, not, at least, until I get my fully equipped Range Rover Vogue with CB Radio, for more of those Off-Road Adventures yet to follow.
Well, one must have ambitions.....
It's less of a joke than it sounds, even if, right now, it's only a thought in the mind - I, too, was such a thought in the mind of my Father (whomever he might be) and Mother (and I didn't know her too well either) - and look at me now, here, large as life and twice as wonderful, at least within my own imagination.
It could happen, you just don't know - I did use to have a superb and fully-equipped Land Cruiser, and that one DID spend most of it's time off-road. It had a CB Radio, mast antenna, a bull-bar & winch - not that Land Cruisers tend to get stuck too often, unless driven by the very foolish....I would struggle to run that one now, mind you (the understatement of the year!) and the big, heavy 6 Cyl 4.5L Petrol Driven beauty that it was didn't have 2 tanks for nought......filling them up, now, with petrol pricing gone mad, would cost a prohibitive amount of money.....it saw many a wild boar, red-bellied black snake and many other wild things. It was, in fact, owned from new, for 2 years, by an Atherton (of Tablelands fame) Doctor, who had used it only to collect the kids from school and running back and forth from the home on acreage to the practice and back.
No more of that namby-pamby bollocks once I had it - it did what it was always meant to do, and did it magnificently, not simply expensively.
Yes, as you may gather, I miss it to this day.
Meh.....I have digressed, and then some, again........
Oh Lucky, Lucky Man!!
As an update on the antenna thing, a small piece of co-axial cable was duly rammed-in to the hole, instantly improving the local radio reception beyond all expectations - no, it doesn't look too flash, but it goes nicely with the car and being free of charge, was certainly a cheap enough solution.
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