Still, it's much better to get something rather than nothing, innit?
It is, of course, an extremely awesome day here again, and is also 'Portoberfest' Time, as the one chosen Saturday in October is named annually, a perfectly reasonable excuse to eat & drink that little bit more than usual, held at the 'Courty', or Courthouse Hotel, on the corner of Macrossan & Wharf Streets.
With a main sponsor of Corona (but hey, hang-on - isn't that Mexican?) there'll be such delights as German beers, (but only Heineken, if one can call that German) Guinness, sausages, sauerkraut, lederhosen, busty beer frau's, dancing boys aplenty, maybe dancing girls if not enough boys turn-up and, naturally, a good spattering of arrogance that the Germans do so well.
The Germans - don't get me started....too late.
It's guaranteed that, around 3 am this morning, German 'hand-built built by robots' (with Vorsprung Dirk Technique, no doubt) beach towels will have been strategically placed on every single optimally positioned sun lounger around every swimming pool in Port Douglas, (both public and private, heck, they just don't give a crapper)
Or is it long overdue that I change my long-held (read : since I was a foetus) stereotypical viewpoint of what constitutes all things German, bad things at least?
Times & people, sometimes, do change, and it follows that Germans, with the passage of enough time, could well have become less-arrogant.......for some of it to have evolved out of them, for them to have simply gone with the flow, so to speak - it wouldn't make them nearly as interesting, should they have taken this road, and lets face it, they've hardly been notable at all, save the spectacular losing of 2 World Wars, their BMW's, Volkswagen's, Mercedes Benz's and Bosch appliances (did I miss anything?) - or, should you prefer, as dull as dogshite since time immemorial for the most part.
Man, I'm not even sure I want 'em to change - can't bag 'em out if they suddenly become all sociably-friendly and like the rest of us.
I'm not being particularly unfair either - I have had so many experiences, mostly when a younger man in my 20's & 30's, and when holidaying in the likes of Morocco or Tunisia. These destinations were, by contrast, rather neat places to visit, back then, when holidaying from the UK, and made for a far better & more exotic break than did the usual fare of Benidorm or Ibiza, Spain's answer to the prayers of the tasteless and the choice of most Brits - who would have thought, eh?
Had they only bothered to look into things properly, they could have seen that even better deals were there to be had in Nth Africa, or even Bulgaria, should one be foolish enough to choose that little nugget of Fetta Cheese. Back then, the Eastern Bloc countries held a mild fascination, until the holidaymaker realized the lack of infrastructure as found in the former Yugoslavia or Bulgaria....but it was certainly cheap......6 weeks for the price of 2 wasn't at all uncommon, and you would often need that long just for the queue for water, milk & bread.
The tourist destinations of Spain, well, they were back then as they are now, full of idiot Englishmen the colour of Cooked Mud Crabs, or aspiring to be thus in their 10 day holidays, drinking English Beer at an English (or Eeeeengleeesh) Pub, and following though with Fish & Chips, just so that they felt 'at-home' - I mean, no point at all going abroad if one can't feel as though one never left home, even I can see that.......joshing aside, I really would rather put my genitals in a Robot-Chef, on any setting with any and all attachments as selected by my torturer - who would likely be a German dude, of course - than to ever toy with the notion of 'doing' this part of Europe, not even as a single man with 12 extra strength condoms hand-stitched and vacuum-sealed onto my knob - anyone visiting, even when taking similar drastic precautions, would still return home with more STD's than Vancomycin could ever fix-up.
But Tunisia or Morocco - these places, back then, they were still plenty different to the run of the mill Spanish or other Mediterranean holiday - you could see, experience and immerse yourself in a totally different culture, one where it wasn't entirely touristy in nature - now, sadly, well, it's all the same most anywhere on the Planet.......but back then, the one thing that was the fly in the ointment of a wonderful holiday in North Africa were, yes, you've guessed it - it was those Germans......always there to totally fuck with and ruin the one holiday per annum........omnipresent fucking Germans!!
Those Germans, man, they just loved North Africa - loved it so much, in fact, that, as was their way, they were the only people there on holiday, in their own imaginations and minds at least. Nothing would be allowed to get in the way of their holiday and it's enjoyment, and certainly not some English folks - totally & utterly Verboten.
Even multiple shouts sent their way of "Remember 66" (when England beat Germany in the World Cup Final - and never mind that they beat 'us' multiple times since, of course) or 'Two World Wars - Go Count 'Em" (self explanatory) seemed to matter not one bit.
Trust me when I say this, they really would get-up at 3am, for just long enough to place their beach towels on all of the poolside loungers of the resort, reserving them, as they saw it, before wandering back to their room...or zimmer...to sleep soundly until it was time to wake-up & sunbathe.
They did this for several days, until in the middle of one particular night, around 4am, some Englisman had bothered to set his own alarm, before striding out poolside and throwing-in all of the neatly placed towels, before returning to his room for a little more very deep & even more satisfying sleep.
Ah, those Germans....They weren't at all happy, but then, they never are.
I don't want to dislike them, yet I always have done - and hand on heart, it is entirely related to real experience that this is the case. Much like their white South African cousins (for surely, they must be related?) I have quite simply never met a nice one.
I can't abide, nor can I fathom (in ways other than obvious & direct perversion) the depths of their Lederhosen, nor the silly dance that often goes with them. Good points about the breed are definitely in there to be found, since as everyone knows, they can build a decent enough wall when called upon to do so, and can be called-upon to torture people in a manner that is right up there with the very best.
The spoken language always seems so guttural & harsh 'Ich bich fech dich, liebling, eine kliene fleisch fich-stich pimmel lichkker mien fuhrer bascher strasse' - don't bother putting it into BabelFish, since I made it all up - mostly. Point made, it blows chunks, as a language - and let's all take a moment for thanks to so many - heartfelt thanks to our fighting men and women of days gone by, that we aren't all mincing around speaking it.
Mercy!
I can just about tolerate their adoration & worship of all things meat, since I don't mind the odd bit myself, and whenever I get the opportunity, I'll readily pile an absolute stack of sauerkraut on my sausage........it goes superbly on knackwurst/bratwurst in or out of a Hot Dog, too.
No, mainly, I just don't dig their arrogance, and no pun heavily intended, they always seem to have arrogance in spades, shovels and even, sometimes, JCB diggers.
Find me a decent German, someone, or I'll keep-on giving it to them.
And now a word from our sponsors with an ad that you'll barely be able to read, mostly due to my ineptitude at inserting images onto webpages.
You see now?? You didn't believe me about the Portoberfest thing, did you...Eh??? Eh???
Be sure to tune-in next time, when we'll be discussing the Belgians, hooking into them seriously with, amongst other things, how their sometimes half-decent beer & their chocolate truffles are the only saving grace for this poor unfortunate race.
In conclusion.....Of course, you know that in truth, & in spite of my anti-rants above, that I love all peoples......aside from Germans & South Africans naturally.
No comments:
Post a Comment